"A Couple Becomes A Crowd"

Exactly how many people get emotionally involved in a relationship? When you sleep with someone, could you also be unknowingly screwing the family as well? When a relationship unfortunately dies, precisely how many people could you be losing other than your ex? Think about everyone you have met through this former lover - (S)he's family, friends and possibly their child(ren), too. They could too get hurt if the relationship does not work out in the end. Now, what the hell are you supposed to do ... Do you continue to communicate, or are you doomed to losing them forever?

For a moment, let us question, how exactly could one person that you no longer have a relationship with control your relationships with others? Perhaps you're simply trying to spare yourself of the awkwardness and embarrassment, trying to avoid those individuals asking why the relationship failed, petrified of realizing you may still love your former lover. It could be all three, as they could result to be inextricably linked. However, you can't just run away from these things ... In one way or another, they will inevitably come up.

If you and your ex decide to maintain a friendship, it's easy to keep the bond rolling with the others who're involved. But, what if maintaining a friendship with your ex isn't in the cards? Well, then it boils down to how strong the bond is with these other people involved. Acquaintances, well then honey, build yourself a bridge and get over it - It's not the worth the aggravation and stress, you are better off just letting them go. But a truly close friendship? You have to have a discussion with them. Ask if their comfortable with continuing the friendship, regardless of the ex's dismay and being completely out of the picture - No matter how sappy talking about your feelings may be to you, and even with the fear of the frustration, it doesn't matter ... It has to be done.

"Ex And The Suburbs"

A relationship with an ex can be extremely confusing/stressful. Whether you two were friends prior to dating, or if were complete strangers, things can tend to get very awkward with an ex...

If you were friends beforehand, you're new relationship with them will likely not be as it was prior to being exclusive with them. The past never fades away into the wind, regardless of how much we want or wish it to. You cannot take things back, they are what they are. Some people say they don't want to initiate a relationship because they fear the threat of possibly losing a great friendship if the relationship fails. This's very understandable to me. There would likely be intense sexual frustration among those who still care for and love one another romantically, or straight up awkwardly terrible tension if they don't feel that way ... Now, don't go telling the computer that I'm wrong, and you've got yourself a great friendship with your ex. I'm not saying it's impossible and you cannot be friends, but it's highly unlikely things will be the same as before dating. Think this over - Is your friendship that great, that you don't see yourself having hard feelings, or reminders of the past that make you want to ignore them as some form of avoiding those memories of you two when happily together? Where you never see yourself wishing the past to be your present and your future because you have no idea where things went so wrong? Are you so sure there are no lurking romantic emotions? Think about it my lovelies.

Maybe you decide to go the other route, cutting your ex out of your life everlastingly ... Burning all of the pictures, erasing (s)he's phone number off of your phone, and perhaps even *gasps* unfriending and/or unfollowing them from and on Facebook and Twitter. Which could cause tension for your mutual friends, when thinking about how many people you may be hurting by doing all of this. It's not only the ex, but (s)he's family and/or friends that actually liked you. Then what are you supposed to do in this situation? You're going to end up crossing paths at some point, and what do you think you can do? Run away from it all? That doesn't tend to work out so well.

Do you want my advice? Well, whether you would like it or would not, I'm going to give it. I suggest you maintain some form of a decent friendship, or at least an acquaintanceship. Don't play rough, and with whatever you do, don't be bitter about anything. It's the easiest way and from personal experience, it's simply the best way to handle things. With my ex, we still talk on the telephone from time to time or text to touch base. Actually, we both attended a small bowling party gathering recently and both had a killer time, with little to no awkwardness. Yet, we aren't trying to front a strong and wonderful friendship. Our mutual friends feel comfortable and at ease, leaving nobody to get hurt.  

Warning : DON'T, and I repeat, DON'T make your friends choose between the two of you. That makes you nothing but an immature bitch (or a bastard). It conflicts and hurts everyone who is involved. Nobody, and I am serious when I say nobody, will escape unscathed.

"The Obstacle Course"

Everybody has had to cope with getting over someone else ... From personal experience and observation, I'm fully aware of how difficult it is, and that it completely blows. It's quite a lengthy process and at times, it'll feel as if they've somehow imprinted themselves into the back of your mind permanently. Moving on from someone else really takes time, and it's impossible to do without valiant effort, but I'm here fully willing to attempt and help you through it...

Step Zero: First, fully understand what your feelings are for this particular person. I don't think I have to tell you, that the more you feel, the harder this process will be for you. However, if you only had a minor crush on this person, or it's a celebrity that you aren't even close to that you don't have a shot with by any means, there's a simple solution laid out for you - Simply accept the fact that yous will never ever be together and deal with it. On the contrary, if you were in love with this person, then continue reading this posting (There's a reason that this is step zero.)

Step One: Accept and come to terms with the fact that you cannot or you can no longer be with this person. I'm aware that it may come across as silly or even tomfoolery, but it could serve as a major help saying things out loud, or even possibly going to a friend and telling them that you really want to get over (s)he ... That you know that yous can no longer be together and you're willing to start attempting moving on from them. Saying these things out loud can somehow cement them into your mind, or at least this has proven to work for me. You could never truly get over another person without first accepting things for what it is they are in reality.

Step Two: Disposing of any pictures of you two together is definitely a must, especially the ones where you both look happy, or even the ones of them alone looking great/sexy. Also, do something with, or even give back anything gifted to you by them or left in your possession ... Do something with the jewelry, remove the romantically mushy cards, take down those picture frames and settle the dispute over the cat. These things will most likely continuously remind you of the happy times you shared together and the memories of love, which could make this process even more challenging for you - Unless you choose to keep certain things in your possession as a relationship keepsake/souvenir. In which case, you keep whatever you choose. Anyhow, it's far better settling these things now under a mutual agreement as opposed to waiting.

Step Three: Learn the methods of finally forgiving this person for whatever heartache/wrong they've caused you ... Even in the event of someone who cheated on you - (Unless they're simply heartless scumbags or especially abusers.) Periodically, they'll find their way back into your life in odd manners from time to time. When that happens, it's far better to be on decent terms, as opposed to simply drowning in your despise for that person. If you share mutual friends, think about them and the position they're in. It's much easier for them not having to pick sides, because then they get swept underneath this emotional frenzy and it's highly unlikely anybody will come out unscathed. It'll definitely seem exceptionally difficult, and it'll never be how it was if you were friends with your ex prior to being exclusive, or even being best friends because of your extensive past with them.

Step Four: It's imperative you spend quality time with your close friends. Especially those friends who attain a rocking blog and also have knowledge in this department ... But, in all seriousness, your friends are extremely important for you at this time. You must realize that you, yourself are very important and that you simply weren't meant to be with this person. Spend some quality girl time discussing how it is that you feel, getting all of those pent-up tears out, even if you're one who doesn't tend to do that sorta thing. And if you're a dude ... Do what guys usually do at these times, spend time with your buddies, doing those things that make you the happiest that can also relieve you of stress. Or, you can ask my close friend and writer of my brother blog, Sex And The Small Town for some advice, assistance and help.

Step Five: Finally getting yourself back into the dating whirlpool. Getting yourself a new beau or belle could really help you speed up the process of moving on from your ex once and for all. But, wait the standard three months before doing this, allotting yourself an adequate amount of time to begin growing comfortable with the idea of having somebody new. This person will inevitably be your transition back into dating and relationships ... Be sure that you're ready to give it another go, there's no need to rush anything if you still need some time, or if you simply desire time to yourself as a single individual (Sometimes, in a place such as New York where everyone's dying to couple-up, there is nothing better than being out of a relationship.) However, try and avoid the one night stand gig - It's emotionally dangerous and it won't serve as any help to you, it could even have the potential to make things worse for you during this time. Anywho, the comfort of someone new can definitely help easing you back into things once more ... As long as you don't make the crucial mistake of comparing your new lover to your former one. That's usually a dangerous practice, which'll leave you fixating on the past and what could have been, which'll ultimately lead up to you nitpicking your new partner to shreds. Long story short, simply embrace your new love, leaving your past where it belongs behind you...

Who really knows? - On one seemingly ordinary day with infinite possibilities, awakening to realize you're over an ex may be one of them. That's exactly what happened to me after all ... I saw him, just like I'm forced to on a daily basis due to school, and I felt absolutely nothing for him anymore. My heart wasn't beating abnormally fast or anything remotely similar to it, such as sinking. That's when I finally realized, I moved on, I was officially set free from the pain and reminders of him. I then understood how nothing was ever permanent, and I said hello to the new and improved me. I'd now like to wish you the best of luck on your illustrious journey of getting over a former lover.

"Fake It or Break It?"

So picture this. You're in a relationship with someone who's amazing, but the relationship's going nowhere. For whatever reason, you just don't want it going any further. So what do you do in this situation? Fake it or end it? With choice one, you wouldn't be hurting his/her feelings immediately, but please note, it will have to end at some point. You shouldn't be a total coward and wait for the other person to end it ... Also, if you decide upon 'faking-it', you are depriving your partner of being with someone who really wants to spend the rest of their life with him/her. You'd also be depriving them of the real, true, breathtaking love that everybody deserves and really desires. So that would leave us with choice two, to end it. It's the best choice for both of you. They can find someone who returns every ounce of love they receive, and you can go find someone who you actually want to spend the rest of your life with. Lying when you're in a relationship and lying about your feelings will only harm people in the end. Believe me as I have been there before. Don't fake it.

"What's The Difference?"

Did you know that there is a major difference between having sex and making love? Unfortunately, most people don't...To most people, it's all about the pleasure they can achieve. If it's 'slow', it's irrationally considered making love. But that's hardly ever true. Just because it's done slowly, sex can have absolutely nothing to do with being love. Making love is when you care about the other person, your goal is their pleasure, not your own and you're riddled with intensity and passion. It could be done fast, slow, in a bed or even inside of an airplane bathroom. The main point being your goal of giving your partner pure pleasure. Whom's pleasure is the most important to you when in the bedroom? If it's solely your own, then you might as well just be having a one night stand with a complete stranger, because that's basically all it will mean to you once it's said and done honestly. On the contrary, if it's your partner's pleasure whom you truly care about, then you'd be making love. Making love will commonly flurry one with numerous emotions filled with passion. Be aware of the difference, it really helps when differentiating certain relationships from others and also in the long run of things throughout your entire love life.

"Don't Forget Me"

Do you know how it feels to be forgotten? To realize you're less important to someone you love than someone else, and the heartbreak it brings? Recently, I've been forgotten by my own parents and my friends. My parents are far more focused on my older brother, babying him and giving him everything that he wants while I have to do most things by myself. My brother gets pretty much everything that he wants and I'm constantly in his shadow.

At the same time, my friends forget about me. I'm what I like to call 'The back-up Friend'. The person that you go to when you don't have anyone else. Just the person you sit next to in class or in lunch when you don't have any of your real friends there. The one you randomly text when your friends are busy. And sadly enough, I've gotten used to it. But then I realized something...

I realized that I do have real friends. Halsey, author of my brother blog, is definitely real. Sofia, such an amazing girl that I met over the summer, who I suspect is my long lost twin, is definitely real. And they won't forget me, that's for sure. My sisters, two biological and three not, are also real. If you are going through the same struggles as me, stop for a moment and think to yourself, who in your life's real? A friend, a lover, a relative? There is always someone there who is real, even if you don't realize it at first.

P.S. If you have a problem that you want me to talk about, feel free to ask me. Comment on a post telling me what you want read about next...Remember, I don't judge.

"When The Crusher Gets Crushed"

We all have that someone. Even if you don't realize it right now, you still do. That someone who the mere thought of him/her makes your heart inevitably pound repeatedly, every time you speak to each other you play with your hair, or uncontrollably blush, even becoming anxious and nervous. And all of us have had that crush where it is blatantly obvious that it's there. If you haven't, get off my blog and back to your coloring books because you're way too young. It's going to happen eventually. But what happens when everyone and their brother knows about your crushing and he decides to play you? Then crush you?

This had happened to me two years ago. After four consecutive years of hating this guys' sheer existence, I found that immense hate  evolving into love. And I fell really hard. I evolved myself. I stopped being the quiet girl in the corner who read to avoid any form of contact with other humans to the girl who was so super social, outgoing and who only read in the safety of her own home. Apparently he didn't like that. He asked out another girl, and completely broke my heart.

Instead of crying on someone's shoulder or planning ways in which to kill this girl or break them up, I vowed to stop liking him and let them be. He didn't like that either. When he realized I wasn't jealous or trying to win him over, he stopped kissing her in front of me and started to flirt with me again. Sometimes I had ignored him, sometimes I was a complete and utter bitch, and sometimes I was friendly, hoping we could stay friends. In other terms, I was beginning to send out mixed symbols. But he had started it!

Anyway, he ended up dumping her. But I still refused to let him in. He was too much of an asshole for my taste. He had decided upon ignoring me for a whole year, then when we were out into the same math class, (Mind you I am still in high school.) He decided upon sending mixed symbols yet again. Sometimes, he would flirt, sometimes he would ignore me, and sometimes he would be a total jackass. But I refuse to let him back into my life. Thanks to him I've experienced my first heartbreak, and I really don't ever want to give him the opportunity to do so again...

When the crusher gets crushed, the crusher has but only a few options. One, fight for him/her and never give up on it. Two, remain friends with him/her. Or last but not least, three. Never give him/her the chance to do it again. Personally, I'm a fan of three, myself...but the choice is yours. Heartbreak is unavoidable, but that doesn't mean you can't try to.

"Then And Now."

If you look closely upon the teenage girls in this generation and the ones of the previous generations, the results are distinctively appalling. What in the hell has happened to America? Years ago, in high schools and colleges, 'sluts' and 'whores' were always considered as bad. Now, being one is the normality. Pregnant teenagers back then were frowned upon 'sluts', but now they've sealed themselves a reality show on MTV. Tank tops disguised as 'dresses', underwear in denim called 'shorts', and those fishnets acting as 'shirts' are in every school, practically every classroom, when the mere idea would have been undeniably horrifying to past generations. Though I am a teenager, myself, I am still disgusted of these ensembles most girls have been sporting. Do we desire these people being our future, seriously? Girls that appear to belong in Vegas on street corners and boys with their pants practically around their ankles running for office, patrolling our streets, even saving lives in hospitals. Honestly I'm a bit fearful of the future with individuals like them being our future. Of course, their are those of us who actually do have values and are at least a little bit conservative. I can only hope that somehow the current teenagers reach some kind of new maturity and realize that things need to change. Until then, please pray to any god or science that you believe in (I don't judge!) that somehow the future generation isn't the last...

"Where There's Smoke..."

Do women just want to be rescued? Do women just want a man to keep them from loneliness? Of course. No one likes feeling alone. But, do women have to be rescued by a "Prince Charming"? (Or "Princess Charming" if you go that way) Women can be 'rescued' by a friend instead of a lover. The truth is, all a woman needs in this kind of 'rescue' is a good friend.

Most men like rescuing women from loneliness. It makes them feel like the dominant sex while women are weak beings who depend on the men for everything. The truth is, women only need men for sex, and sometimes women like other woman instead! Men, us women don't need you for anything other than reproduction. You guys are just willing to do stuff for us so we let you.

Some men are turned off by an independent woman, believe me, it happened to me. I fell for a guy. He liked me too, when I was a weak, self-conscious girl who depended on people, and he was more than happy to be that person. But, thanks to some amazing friends, I grew out of my shell and became this strong, confident, independent girl who didn't need him. I still loved him, but because I was so independent, he was afraid I would reject him, if not now then eventually. And guys don't like being rejected. It hurts their 'manly-man pride'.
So the answer is, yes. A woman wants to be rescued, but it could be by a lover or a friend or a family member. Men just like to be the hero because they are proud human beings. But, remember this girls. You don't need to depend on a guy. We can do anything a guy can, and we only need them for reproduction. And if we found a way around that, we would kick those guys to the curb. Am I right?

"The Great Fight!"

At the end of yet another failed relationship, one might wonder, what is it all worth? Why do we have to go through so many failed relationships, usually, to find true love? Wouldn't it be easier to just find the love of your life the first time and avoid all the heartbreak and mistakes? But, don't we learn from our mistakes? If we didn't have trial and error, then we might not see who is really our true love. We won't be able to compare the love of our life to our exes, so we would never truly see how good the person is for us. 

Could a certain amount of failed relationships make us lose hope? Make someone too scared to try again for the one when their expecting the relationship to crash and burn like always? With their heart broken so many times, could it be too fragile to let them try again, forbidding a person from finding true love? A person's heart can only be broken so many times before it starts to fail. A person can only stand so much heartbreak before giving up and shutting down. Us humans are not  emotionally deprived immortals. We need love to thrive. We need love to survive.

Heartbreak can have a major affect on a person. A person can lose self-esteem and faith in not only their relationships, but themselves. With each heartbreak, a person falls further and further into depression. Soon enough, said person will give up on dating and just might end up living alone in a house full of every species of cat known to man (or woman). But what would have happened if the person gave dating one last chance, and found someone who could heal his/her heart instead of breaking it, but (s)he didn't. Then (s)he would have missed out on a happy life.

These questions are ones only you can answer. Are you going to risk another heartbreak by trying again? Or are you going to risk missing out on a great life by giving up? You decide. 

"Luck Be An Old Lady!"

If we're aware that the house always wins, why should one, gamble? Individuals choose entering a relationship for the precise same reasons, they travel on to casinos, in hopes to, "Hit The Jackpot". However, I'm fully aware, that in casinos, we typically end up broke and/or alone. If we're aware, that the  house always wins, why should one, or why would one gamble? Why should one risk his/her heart if they can, and probably will, get hurt in the end? But, isn't every relationship a risk? Something that could end at any absolutely moment, for any reason? The reason why we risk our hearts is because we have hope. Hope that we will win and be rich, whether the riches are money or they're love.

There's an old, yet insightful quote which implicated, "If an individual can maintain an open heart, love, will always find its way, in." However, I comprehend that, "Love", is not just, the only thing, that will enter one's heart. I'm entirely aware, of all the damaging emotions, that can unexpectedly and abruptly, enter, causing immediate and crucial despair. Which, corresponding with my casino theory, can absolutely leave an individual, quite devastated and all alone. Relationships, I have reason to believe, are theoretically just a gamble just in and of themselves. I'm entirely aware, there will be moments filled with temporary despair and heartache. I know there will be, for each any every one of us all. But, I firmly believe, that if you remain determine and devoted to obtaining love, the obtainment of love is what you'll have. I'm a rather firm believer in if you keep trying, possibilities are endless, and I'm sure, we can all, "Hit The Jackpot".

"All Or Nothing?"

Everyone, especially women, want it all in a relationship. But what actually defines having it all? When lots of money and luxuries are involved? When there is amazing sex? Or maybe, just maybe, having it all means that you're with the person who you love and who loves you. The definition is entirely up to you. What do you you do when you can't have it all in a relationship? Do you take what you have, or wait for the perfect relationship? But, what would you do if you break it off with someone perfect for you, but you didn't realize it? Well, it's up to you. Are you willing to risk ruining an almost perfect relationship for an even better one? Well, it's up to you. Are you really so picky you need to have it all?

"The One?"

Almost everyone wants to find "The One". But, when will the search for "The One" be done? More importantly, how do you know someone is "The One"? When they make your heart flutter like a butterfly whenever they touch you? When the knowledge of knowing they're happy, automatically makes you happy? Or maybe the idea of him/her spending the rest of his/her life with someone else put knots in your stomach? The answer to the question is, the search for "The One" is over when you find "The One". But, "The One" is the person who makes you feel like the most important person in his/her life. "The One" is the person who makes you the happiest you've ever been, all the time. "The One" is the person who makes it impossible to for anyone to love you anymore, but does anyway. That's when you know who "The One" is. 

"Baby, Talk Is Cheap!"

In a relationship, do actions speak louder than words? Sure someone can say (s)he love you, but words are meaningless unless they show you (s)he love you. Would it matter if someone said they love you if they didn't show it. Loving hugs and gentle kisses, things that will comfort you, things that prove the words that (s)he says. Have you ever heard of the saying, "a pictures worth a thousand words"? Well, life and love are a moving picture, a movie without a script. And if a person does not show their love for you, then they don't actually love you. Remember that for the future.

"The Real Me."

We all usually see other people pretty clearly, unless we're distracted by looks or love. But how clearly do we actually see ourselves? Usually, we either think too much of ourselves, or too little. How quickly do you judge yourself?

Why is it that we never see how we really are? Either we are shy and modest, or we are overly confident and immodest. Also, people like to lie to themselves to feel better about themselves. But we need to start telling ourselves the truth. If you asked me who the real me was, I would tell you I am a confident girl who has lots of friends and is a social person. But the truth is, I am a shy, modest girl who has a good group of friends, but I am so afraid they will leave me that I don't get too attached. It's the same way with my relationships, that I am so afraid of getting hurt, that I try to avoid anymore relationships. And I am willing to accept myself, the real me.

There are, of course, some negative aspects to over confidence and immodesty, such as the tendency to  beat yourself up more over small but seemingly important things and embarrassment. When you are over confident, you tend to do more crazy and embarrassing things,but when things don't go your way, you beat yourself up about it. You are unable to properly deal with failure.

And then there are the negative aspects of shyness and modesty, such as underestimating yourself and not living to your full potential. By underestimating yourself, you will not try your hardest to be the best you can be. By underestimating yourself, you could find yourself not being the person you aspire to be.

Odd as it may seem, we can almost always see our other people clearly, but when it comes to ourselves, we just can't. Why is that? Maybe, we're just blinded by the lies we tell ourselves. Now, tell me, who are you? The real you?

"Time & Punishment..."

Recently, my ex-boyfriend has somehow found his way into my present life. And, since he's befriending my friends, I have been trying to forgive him. Have you ever decided to forgive someone, but then every time you see him/her or you even hear their name you flashback to the reason(s) why (s)he lost your forgiveness in the first place?

No matter how hard I try, I cannot forget the reasons why I hated him in the first place. It's as if their's a little voice in my head saying, "He's no good for you, he doesn't deserve your forgiveness." But with all the drama, with him never really leaving me alone, I am starting to find conflict within my friendships. It's not much, more like the signs that this may become a problem, and I need to get everything straitened out, and the easiest way to do that is to forgive him. But can you really forgive someone, and I mean fully forgive someone, if you can't forget why they lost your forgiveness? For example, if your partner cheated on you, but you've tried to forgive him/her, would you really trust they will never hurt you again, or would you be cautious? Most people would say they would be cautious. And you would be cautious and never fully forgive said person because you can't forget why they lost your forgiveness. Do you understand the problem?

I don't think you can ever fully forgive someone, because you will never fully forget. You could meet this person again twenty years later and still feel the tension between you two. And it's not your fault. It's your subconsious trying to help you avoid getting hurt again. I myself am not sure if an when I will forgive my ex, but I know it will have to be long after I've forgotten our whole relationship, even though he was my first official boyfriend, my first kiss, and the reason I can only trust one guy, who isn't even related to me. Can you forgive someone if you can't forget? The answer is no, not fully.

"Romance Is Haunting..."

No matter how hard one tries, could one ever escape their spirits of relationships past? Or, are they forever haunted by the ghost? I've only ever been in one relationship, and that relationship has scarred me. And I have recently found out he still likes me. Yep, my life is fucked up. My past always somehow finds a way into my future. And romance is no exception. It happens to everyone, whether they like it or not. My ex even has Felmo, one of my best friends choosing him over me. He's even texting another one of my friends, and she is using my phone, so he thinks I still like him. In his dreams and my nightmares. I don't know how, but my only ex has found a way back into my life. And he won't be leaving anytime soon.

So, what do should you do when your ex relationships start to haunt you? I'm trying to get my friends to realize something. I don't care if they still talk to my ex... much. But I want them to realize how bitchy it is to pick him over me. Or to plan to do drugs with him and invite me over (which is exactly what the girl who texts him using my phone is doing). I don't pick their ex's over them. I understand if they were friends with my ex before I dated him, but they weren't.

The only person I can actually trust to not betray me, or make fun of me because of my ex, is my only guy friend, and the only exception to my trust issues, Halsey. He pretty much hates my ex, which is what I've always wanted Felmo to do. The point of my ranting is, our ex's will find a way back into our lives, whether it's months later or years later. They may even befriend our friends and have them choose our ex over us. What you have to do is explain to your friends that it is so not okay to betray you like that and make them understand what they did. And, explain to your ex that you really don't want to stay friends. That you want to start of a new relationship without your old one haunting you. What would you do if you were romantically haunted?

"The Girl Code?"

I got to thinking about friendship. More specifically, one of my two best friends and future roommate, Felmo. Those who read the blog 'Sex and the Small Town' might know her as Fello. Are girls supposed to follow a 'girl code'? Or do we make our own code? Either way, Felmo definitely broke a rule.

A few weeks ago, something happened. The only reason I am only writing about this now is because I needed a period of time to think about what happened. A few weeks ago, during a typical ooVoo chat with Felmo, I was excited about an upcoming dance, but I was nervous of making a fool of myself. Instead of being a good friend and convincing me I was going to be fine, Felmo decided to hang up on me. When I tried call her back she had logged off and wouldn't talk to me. Later that night she called me back from her iPod and she, Halsey and I had a somewhat normal conversation. Until the topic of why she hung up on me came up. There I was, unprepared, when she showed me who she was skyping. Of all people, my ex-boyfriend. One of the biggest reasons I now have commitment issues, and issues with men all together. And she had chosen him over me, even hanging up on me just to talk to him.

Halsey and I were horrified. Our best friend, one of the two people I could trust with anything, had chosen the man who damaged me emotionally, whom I had dumped with hope of never seeing again, over me. And when I tried to talk to her again, she wouldn't listen and focused on him instead. I soon left the call without a word, and like the good friend he is, Halsey, my best guy friend and future roommate, did too. We chatted for a while, but I couldn't speak much longer. He, thankfully, understood and let me leave.

When I was finally alone, I don't even know what I was feeling. I wasn't angry, or sad, or confused. I believe I was stunned. I couldn't believe the girl who I thought I could trust with anything betrayed me like that. I haven't talked to anyone about the incident after that day. Not Felmo, not Halsey, not anyone. But I want to.

The point of all this is, is there even a girl code, or for guys, a guy code? And is there a general code, or should we make our own? Should we even live by a code? I think yes. We should make up a list of rules with our friends. I am going to with Nikki and Felmo, and soon. Everyone should have a lit of rules to avoid fights or betrayal. Make up a set of rules with your friends. Do you really want to risk anyone getting hurt?

"The Cover Gal!"

Have you ever heard someone say, "Don't judge a book by it's cover?" But what if you really don't want to give it a try and learn more about it? You really don't want to give it a chance... What do you do?

Say there's a person, place, thing, or even profession that you don't think is for you. Do you just cast them aside and try to ignore them? Or do you try to read between the lines before deciding how you feel about it? I will use myself as an example. I'm moving to New Jersey when I graduate from high school. The plan is we will go to the Capri Institute. But I'm having second thought. I'm still planning on going to New Jersey, but I don't think Capri is for me. I'd rather go into the line of criminal justice. Yes, I want to be a cop. I was thinking of taking online college courses. Does that mean I should eliminate Capri as a possible place to go and hairstyling as a possible profession? I've been asking myself that for the past few days.

How about another example? Say you meet someone, but they seem totally weird, or they did something you didn't like. Your first instinct is to completely ignore the person. What do you do? Never give said person the time of day? Or do you try to get to know them better before you judge them? If you never take the chance, you may have missed meeting a new friend or maybe even a future lover.
When you're deciding what to do, remember the good thing about taking the time to get the person, you have the possibility of meeting a new friend. The bad thing? IF you don't become friends, you waste about five minutes of your life. Big whoop. You should never judge a book by its cover. The book may turn out to be something very valuable.

"It's A One Way Street..."

Have you ever had someone like you, but you don't like them like that? Sadly, that happens to me... a lot. How do you react to it? Are you like me? Do you completely ignore them and hope they move away? Or do you discuss it with them and hope you can still be friends? Everyone reacts differently.In my past experience, a lot of people seem to like me, mostly people I hate... which, by the way, sucks. And sadly, the one guy I like won't give me the time of day.

Back to my original topic, I regret to say, I don't have the best reaction when someone I hate likes me. (And to anyone I may have hurt, I apologize, I have trust issued.) If I am good friends with them, I will gladly talk it out with them, because I don't wan't to ruin our current, friendly relationship. But otherwise... I kind of go... berserk. I completly ignore said person. I'm not the best with things I don't like... But I am only one girl, I don't know how other people react.

If someone who you don't like likes you, then, please, try not to go berserk and completely ignore them... or throw things at them. Try to talk it out with the person and explain how you don't like them. And if you like someone, but they don't like you back, (unless they're your best friend or something), tell them but understand they don't like you and please don't try to convince them into a date... just saying.

"Just Say Goodbye!"

Have you ever really liked someone, but they're just not that into you? I'm going through that right now. I really like someone, but I know for a fact he doesn't like me. Maybe he did once, but not anymore.

I have reason to believe this person liked me two years ago, but I hated him. He was just so annoying. Then we were put into the same math class the following year. He still annoyed me. But something changed. I don't know what, but I started falling for him. Then he went out with some other girl. They ended quickly, but now I had my answer. He was over me. Maybe he didn't like me at all.

After two months with not seeing him, a boyfriend, and now speaking to him about twice in seven months, I still like him. But I've come to realize, I don't need him. My life is set. After I graduate I'm going to New Jersey. I'm going to live with my two best friends. We're going to go to the Capri Institute. I don't need a guy to drag me down, I don't need a breakup before I go to New Jersey.

And you don't need to wait for someone who just isn't that into you. And don't change your life for someone. Follow you're dreams and live the life you deserve. It's time to say goodbye to the one you can't get out of your mind... and say hello to a more confident, real you.

"Ready, Set, Go!"

A recent thought of my last relationship got me thinking. When is someone ready to do 'it', and should they do 'it' even if they aren't ready? My ex always dropped hints that he was ready, even after only three weeks of dating. The thing is, I'm only fourteen and he's sixteen, so I wasn't ready. I told him I wasn't ready and that I thought I was too young. He thought he could change my mind. He was wrong.

No one is absolutely sure when they're ready. And everyone thinks of there first time differently. Some people just want to get it over with, and some people want to wait until they're married so it can be special. Girls are like snowflakes, no two girls are exactly the same. But guys, here is my advice. NEVER try to rush into a relationship and NEVER try to rush a girl into bed. Because she's probably going to dump you. Girls need time and don't like to think they're just a sex toy.

When a girl is ready, she will give you hints. If you're one of the guys who need time to be ready, most of us will respect you and wait. Except if the girl is a slut. Never date a slut. My point is, sex is a special time and everyone is ready to do it at different times. Don't rush into it, because you might end up regretting it. So when you face the choice of yes or no, think to yourself... are you ready?

"Is It Over?"

How do we know when a relationship is over? Do we miss the signs of a failing relationship? Sometimes when someone is dumped, they don't know what went wrong... and when. The truth is, we often miss the signs. Sometimes we don't even know we are showing signs ourselves.

Do you think you're becoming distant from your significant other? Are you afraid of being dumped soon? Here are some signs you may have missed:

1.(S)He seems bored, distant, and distracted when you go out.

2. You see (s)he checking out other girls/guys.

3. (S)He tries to avoid kissing/hugging you. When you do, he seems distracted  and resistant.

4.(S)He often cancels dates or makes up excuses to not hang out.

I'm sorry to say, but sometimes you can't get him/her back. Sometimes his/her feelings change. Sometimes they like someone else and don't want to deal with the guilt. They end the relationship, before it becomes too serious or they do something like cheat on you, so they don't hurt you even more. When I broke up with my boyfriend, it wasn't only because he was an asshole. It was partly because I was developing feelings for someone else.

Sometimes you can't change the fate of your relationship. Sometimes, it's not meant to be. To those who have been recently dumped, it's not your fault. Go out and find someone you can be with for a long time. To those who have recently dumped someone, it may be bad now, you may feel guilty about hurting him/her now, but think what could have happen in the future. Things could have gotten to serious. (S)He would fall in love, and you wouldn't, so you would end up hurting them more. Think to yourself, is there anything that could save your relationship? And, how long would it last?

"The Cycle Of A Heartbreak."

Sooner or later we get involved with someone. And sometimes things go wrong... terribly wrong. And the relationship ends. Everyone wants to forget there failed relationship, and sooner or later we finally do. But do we ever fully get over it? Or does our failed relationship end up haunting us, leaving emotional and mental scars?

At the beginning of summer, I met a guy who I really liked. He was kind and sweet. We ended up dating. But there was something he did I totally hated. He liked to do drugs... and to a lesser degree drink. Even though he knew I disagreed with it. He promised me he would stop, but didn't. That was only one thing he did. He also got into my shirt and made me feel violated and slutty. Especially when he tried, and failed, to convince me to sleep with him. I ended up dumping him soon after.

The reason I am telling you about my horrible relationship is because I am using myself as an example. Now, thanks to my first relationship, I am scarred... mentally and physically. I am afraid to enter another relationship. I am afraid men all turn out bad and only want woman for the sex. I am uncomfortable when anyone, male or woman, friend or acquaintance, hugs me. It took time to even start trusting other people. Some I still can't stand being near them. A relationship leaves scars, and scars never go away. The solution to these problems are good friends, a new outlook on life, and time.

I know I wouldn't have gotten through the break up and the recovery without my best friend. She makes me smile when I cry and shows me I can trust people. She was the first person I trusted again. I don't think I ever stopped trusting her. But my best friend was just the beginning. Some of my friends are real bitches and can't be completely trusted, but I can still laugh and hang out with them. And then, there was the task of trusting men again. The process of trusting men again was slow, until I met one of my best friends good friends. He helped me realize not all men are sex crazed douche bags. He's even the reason I started my blog.

My point in all of this is simple. We love, and we lose. And our lost comes back to haunt us. I loved my boyfriend, but I lost my faith in everyone. It's okay to hurt after a relationship, to be distant. But there are always friends that can help you through the pain and confusion. To those who just got out of a relationship on bad terms, the pain goes away, and you start to trust again. What do your friends do when you need comfort? And are you the kind of friend someone can turn to for comfort?

"The Perfect Possibility?"

What is a perfect relationship? Is it when there is no fighting, no drama, no betrayal and amazing sex? Is there such thing? Is there such thing as a relationship where both partners never disagreed? They agree on everything? I have yet to hear of such a relationship... and probably never will.

Everyone has different opinions about what the perfect relationship is. More communication, less communication. More sex, or more dates. Sometimes, people just want a maid or a butler...not a partner. We all want something different. So unless you find someone exactly like you , you probably won't have the perfect relationship you envisioned.

A perfect relationship can get boring. No drama, no conflict. Just the same thing everyday. Think of  relationship as a book. People will continue reading the book if there is a bit of conflict. If there is no conflict, then the story gets boring and people put down the book and walk away. If you want your relationship to last, you need something to spice it up. Something like a little disagreement can help. And if you happen to be in a big fight and make amends with your partner, a little make up sex would be great too. A relationship can't stay intact if the relationship gets boring.

Some of you may disagree with me. You may say that absolutely no arguing is the way to keep a relationship together. If it has worked for you, who am I to tell you to stop. But if you're looking for the perfect relationship but still aren't happy, you may need to reconsider what a perfect relationship is. In my eyes, a perfect relationship is that of equal partners. No one 'wears the pants' in the relationship. The couple can get into some heated arguments, but never let a little argument break them apart. Instead, they are closer than ever. One less thing to fight about. And they are still together.

You can think what you want. You can think that a perfect relationship is when no arguments occur, or when someone is the boss of the other. You can think the perfect relationship is friends with benefits, no talk, no dates, just sex. But... is there truly such thing as the "perfect relationship"?

"Sex And The Suburbs!"

Everyone knows what peer pressure is, but it seems most people have difficulty admitting that they can be pressured into doing something they otherwise wouldn't do. People can be pressured into doing drugs, smoking a cigarette, or even having sex. Something in our mind tells us it's a bad idea. Our conscience, the little voice in our head that tells us right from wrong, tells us, "Don't do it. Don't do it. It's a bad idea. Don't do it." Sometimes we choose to follow our consciences advice and say no and walk away. Sometimes, we choose to ignore our conscience and fall to peer pressure. The choice is yours, so... What is your choice? Right or Wrong?

Picture this. You meet a guy. He seems perfect. You start to like him and he seems to like you too because he asks you out. You believe you're taking things slow, but too slow for him. After only your second week together, even though he knows you want to take things slow, he decided to ignore your wish. As soon as you're alone,  he lays you down on the couch, and he sticks his hand up your shirt. You tell him no. That he was your first boyfriend and you wanted to take things slow. He tries to convince you. He says, "It's what normal couples do. Stop being a prude. Just go with it." He finally convinces you. That's what peer  pressure is. When you don't want to do something, but a friend convinces you to anyway, usually by saying everyone else did it. Listen to me. If you don't want to, then don't. It doesn't matter who decides to do it, it matters what you want to do.

Imagine the same guy decides, your chest isn't enough. He wants more. He leaves subtle hints. "I always keep a condom in my guitar case. Just in case you ever want to..." he says, or, "That condom in my guitar case is taking up room. I would throw it out, but my mom taught me to never waste anything. Any suggestions on how I get rid of it?" Just a bit of advice. Stop him right there. Tell him no. Tell him no and walk away. If you don't think your ready, tell him. If he doesn't understand, dump him. It's simple.

My opinion on peer pressure is clear... I don't like it. I don't think someone should be pressured into doing something they wouldn't do otherwise. I don't understand why they would ruin themselves just because they're friends wanted them to do it. If you get in trouble, don't say you were pressured to. It's your fault for doing it. You always have a choice. No matter what you think, you always have a choice.

Peer Pressure... It can make a person do crazy things. But are there positive things about peer pressure? Maybe, if you want to look at it that way. But do you want to be pressured into something you wouldn't dare do otherwise? Will you ignore your conscience? And if you do, are you willing to live with the consequences?