"A Dream Maker, Love Taker..."

Having your heart broken blows ... Especially under the circumstance where you had cared so tremendously about somebody, and where in most cases, you still do post-relationship. I'm fully aware; Every gal who has had to walk solo against her own wishes knows the feeling. But, breaking a heart yourself can actually hurt just as much, if not more. When somebody says, "It's as painful for me as it is for you.", they might be doing more than trying to lessen the blow ladies ... There's a great possibility they're telling the truth. Regardless and whatever the reason, if they're initiating a split up between yous, they're too losing the benefits of the relationship; The consoling hugs that show in your arms and your warmth that you're always there. The friendly and passionate kisses that express emotion. Sex that drives you wild at the thought of them. All the factors that make up feeling loved; Everything changes when you break up with somebody.

Even rejecting somebody can hurt and haunt you, looming around in your conscience ... I've experienced breaking a heart and the pain inevitably involved with it. Around the time I had that nightmare with Drew ensuing, two dudes had confronted me, and expressed that they had feelings for me. I had thought to myself, could their timing be worse? I was in the midst of Drew's bullshit, and it's not like I had a boost in popularity; I was "Molly", and still am. One guy was a friend, the other was an acquaintance. The friend stepped up to the plate first, and I had not yet mastered the craft of rejection. I feel as though I was Lucifer's spawn, and I had tore the man to shreds in this "subtle" crack at saying "No". I still feel beyond guilty, although he has moved on.

I had taken the acquaintance for his offer, although I broke it off but hours later ... Yikes, bad judgment. I've ignored him ever since, feeling incredibly guilty off a decision lacking intelligence. That's another reason why I couldn't reject the man who violated me; I couldn't bare being the "heartbreaker" yet again. But, I've learned a valuable lesson. I've acquired a lesson to lessen the pains of a relationship not meant to be ... I'm improving the rejection tactics that I need to avoid my inability to steer clear of a wreck. Rejecting somebody truly feels terrible, as if the first judgment and impression were enough to walk away from them completely like you're a shallow bitch, but sometimes you just know; No.